The Art & Logic Of Broscience

For some of the bros, science means absolutely nothing!

They conveniently ignore (or can't draw the link) the fact that science keeps us alive, the world turning, human life from dying from disease, their muscles growing, and in some of their cases - their particular muscle growth drugs to be made.

Many are of the belief that if a Mr Olympia competitor or pro bodybuilder (or even just a guy who looks great) is saying it, it must be correct.

Despite science on a number of topics so clearly showing what "bodybuilders have always done because it works" is not necessary or even flat out incorrect, they remain holding onto their views for dear life.

Many of them have no idea how silly it makes them sound!

So now, let me tell you the story of a man called "Godwin Gains", a muscle building legend from a small remote town in South America from a long time ago.

Godwin Gains And The Waterfall of Growth

Many years ago, Godwin Gains was a 16-year-old who built his own weights. He used big logs and tree vines as cables, getting very creative.

Following a gruelling workout in the harsh summer sun, Godwin Gains would immediately go to a "magical" waterfall - whereby he would cleanse his muscles for exactly an hour after a workout.

After a few months, Godwin noticed muscle growth.

He knew he was onto something amazing.

He was eating many animals for his source of protein, that he hunted with his newfound strength.

5 days a week he would train hard and NEVER forget to immerse his physique upon the drops of the Waterfall Of Growth after training, for 1 hour exactly. 

The whole village soon noticed his gains.

Soon, all the males in the village were training just like him, and ALWAYS remembering to bathe in waterfall and it's surrounding waters after training for 1 hour, before returning to their huts for dinner with their wives and children. 

Combined with the protein, training and waterfall - these men had the best village physiques on average in comparison to everywhere else in the world.

Godwin Gains was a hero, a legend.

Everything he said about muscle growth was like it was god talking himself, and no one would dare question him and the magic anabolic effects of the waterfall.

Then, at the time Godwin Gains was in his 70s, a scientist with no emotional attachment from a far away country heard about what had been going on for all these years.

Mr Fred Hoffman came and set up a study (1), to see whether or not this waterfall was doing anything at all.

He hypothesized not - as there was no evidence of this for muscle growth from the popular world city in which he lives, because there were no waterfalls.  

So he arrives to the excitement of the villagers and Godwin Gains to investigate.

Mr Hoffman grabs 50 of the 500 villagers and sets up 5 groups in his fool-proof study:

Group 1: Trains, and doesn't eat protein, doesn't go the waterfall 

Group 2: Trains, eats protein, doesn't go to the waterfall 

Group 3: Trains, doesn't eat protein, goes to the waterfall. 

Group 4: Trains, eats protein, goes to the waterfall

Group 5: Doesn't train, eats protein, goes to the waterfall
 

He measures how they all go in a 2 month period, then makes them swap over.

There's a 2 week wash-out period between each group to avoid any results coming from the previous scenario spilling into their next.

RESULTS:

Mr Hoffman finds that the muscle growth between groups 2 and 4 is better than all the others.

He also finds that the muscle growth between groups 2 and 4 is IDENTICAL - and given the data that already tells us protein is required for maximal musle growth - the conclusion is that the addition of the waterfall is therefore NOT required for muscle growth.

He makes the annoucement at a large dinner one night, and is chased out of the village into his old wooden boat, dodging spears and colourful language that he cannot understand. 

"How dare he question Godwin Gains?" one villager shouts.

"Yes, did you see how skinny he was? He's never lifted those vines with weights before in his life!" another says, to the chant of the village.

"What the hell would he know?" another asks.

The villagers are so emotionally connected to their god, that they don't realise that their painful hour of bathing isn't required, and they can go right back to their wives for dinner after concluding training.

One villager listens to the scientist, and skips the waterfall.

He is banished from the village and laughed at by the other villagers as being stupid for questioning the "facts" by Godwin Gains. 

And sadly, the story doesn't end well.

Upon hearing reports of the moon landing years later, Godwin Gains hypothesizes that because the astronauts could float whilst on the moon due to the reduced gravity - that gravity would too be reduced upon the extremely high rocks in the village.

He told the entire village that the he thinks the rocks might be able to be climbed by them, before they could jump off and float in the sky.

So a handful of the villagers climbed the highest mountain, and jumped off....sadly, to their death.

As you would have most likely worked out, this story is completely ficticious; Godwin Gains never existed.

But the myth of Godwin Gains remains true - just because the most muscular man who pioneered lifting in the village says something is right, it doesn't mean it is.

Today, we can relate that to the anabolic window after training, dextrose in your post-workout shake to "spike" insulin, fasted cardio, and a whole heap of others that may or may not be said by the smallest man alive, the biggest, or one with the most bodybuilding trophies in history.

Being a bodybuilder doesn't make you a scientist, and being a scientist doesn't make you a bodybuilder. 

Regardless of who says these myths are right - they have been examined by scientists multiple times and been labelled as not necessary.

Those massive men who say it's important and vital are wrong. 

Just like the waterfall, there's no need to go through the pain of fasted cardio, or spend the money on dextrose, or consume protein within 30 minutes of training.

These are the facts, and those who care to learn them are those that benefit.

Of course, there will always be those who struggle through the 1 hour waterfall session because they refuse to believe otherwise - just as there will always be men like Godwin Gains until the end of time!

However, I will never give up on bro scientists. Despite some of the names they call me, one day they might realise I'm just trying to help.

One day some of them might just hear me through the waterfall!

And that, dear readers, is the art and logic of bro science. 

"Stay Fit, Stay Flexed!" 

Get your hands on an anti-broscience diet plan....NOT written by Godwin Gains, with no unnecessary PAIN like 1 hr baths in Waterfalls!

References

(1) Hoffman F. Ancient and magical waterfalls do not result in greater muscle hypertrophy. The journal of brotology. Pages 223-227.